Monday, May 4, 2009

Haikugeddon

There has been some talk lately that, for a guy who claims to like haiku, I haven't actually posted any yet. I will respond to those claims like I respond to all criticism: with ridiculous excess.

Here we go: 25 haikus that capture the essence of the titan condition!

1.
Evil is like a
soft and gentle summer gust
of nitric acid.

2.
Sure, I've got regrets.
Everybody's got regrets.
But mine are cooler.

3.
They said Eonar
was too hot for me. Yeah, sure.
Who's hot now, bitches?!

4.
What? A planet here?
No, this is just chunks of rock.
Your map must be wrong.

5.
Legion rebellions
are short-lived. Rebel leaders,
sans head, are just short.

6.
Even titan girls
don't like to be called massive,
Eonar opines.

7.
There's a server named
"Sargeras." That's like naming
your daughter "Smallpox."

8.
RE: frEe C1alis
If it were any bigger,
stars would orbit it.

9.
The Burning Legion
has ten thousand demon-lords
and three bathroom stalls.

10.
RING! Hey, Voldemort,
Joel Schumacher's on the phone.
He wants his fail back.

11.
I heat my coffee
by putting it in the sun.
What a bright idea!

12.
Okay, so, what's black
and white and red all over?
Oreos I've licked.

13.
The ecosystem
is like a big house of cards:
you just can't resist.

14.
"Death is part of life."
Fine. So I'm just spreading life.
Quit your bitching, then.

15.
Better to light a
candle and/or continent
than curse the darkness.

16.
Some people are like,
"How can you be so awful?"
Look. It's not easy.

17.
The Twisting Nether:
perfect as a hiding place,
not so good for golf.

18.
To understand me,
walk a mile in my shoes. And
I do mean in them.

19.
I have a pebble
stuck in my left boot. Also,
where'd Gibraltar go?

20.
Smith said to Neo,
"The purpose of life's to end."
Neo was like, "what"

21.
If I had a dime
for each planet I've destroyed,
I'd have lots of dimes.

22.
I am not a crook!
Vaporizing planets is
a misdemeanor.

23.
I AM DARK TITAN!!
I AM DESRTOY EVERTHING!!1!
!!one!!!one!!one!oneone

24.
I hear people say,
"Less QQ and more pew pew."
Are church seats that great?

25.
Having fiery hair:
efficient barbecuing,
awkward second dates.

26.
A wise man once said,
"Peace is the best victory."
He was delicious.

OH! That's right, I said I would post 25 haikus and I posted 26! Because that's just how I roll.

For bonus points, post your comments as haikus too.

LOBSMAARP: 22%

23 comments:

Tuxmelv said...

I post this haiku
at your request, O Dark Great One
Please end me swiftly.

MomentEye said...

These are genius
What could I possibly add
But please don't smite me

ceestar42 said...

you should smite me now
I am just a snarky cat
with a stripey tail

bigfootgolem said...

Number eight: tee hee!
Twenty three: Like OH EM GEE!!!
Extra poem, whee~

Oh my, o great one,
Now look at what you have done,
Speaking poems, run!

Anonymous said...

Oh Lord Sargeras
Your greatness is amazing
More poetry please.

Alkaliho said...

I worship you.
I really love you, please
dont eat me.

I like to party,
But when Sargeras comes too
the roof goes off.

Waiting with the horde
in the Nether, its cramped.
Please bring deo.

Sargares when you sneeze,
a lot of felhounds drown
shortly after.

I really cant be arsed,
to think up some more.
goin to sleep now.

Soeroah said...

I reckon those haikus are sick.
I probably can't think that quick.
But if you can haiku
(As you obviously do)
Then next post you should write limericks.

Anonymous said...

Sargeras may be
a murdering dark titan
but his haikus rock.

Red said...

This has got to be
a regular feature, man!
SWEET entertainment.

A connoisseur of
haikus, I pretend to be
but none rock like this.

Although, one of my favorite haikus actually only contained two words, but was the most evocative image I'd encountered at the time. It was simply "Stars, crickets."
I think perhaps the best and shortest would be as follows:

Arrival,
Immolation,
Silence.

Anonymous said...

This Haikugeddon
Makes me so very happy
In my now-damp pants

Nyaz said...

Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

(Old one, I know, but still great :P)

Anonymous said...

I'm still lacking the
right words trying to describe
these haikus of yours.

Leochica said...

I'm a rebel, not gonna post this as a Haiku! >:)(Actually, I'm just really sick, and my brain is too muddled to come up with an awe inspiring Haiku.) :) Keep those Haikus coming, oh evil one! My favorites; #12 & #26. Those made me lol the hardest, irl!

Sargeras said...

@ Soeroah:
I will give some thought
to this poetic concept
that you have proposed.

@ Anon #3:
TMI is like
getting fish heads by FedEx:
un-asked-for and weird.

Alozare :D said...

This post is so cool.
I hope that you make some more...
Pl0x pl0x pl0x pl0x pl0x!!

So, about these points?
What can I win with them all?
Can I get a hug?

Or maybe a mount.
Don't steal my idea for one,
A potato cart.

Or my other one:
Its satan and he flies quick,
But not like you do.

Crackbone said...

Here there are five, son.
Seven syllables in this.
This line has five, too!

That guy said...

This is a haiku
At least I think that it is
All Hail Sargeras

Anonymous said...

Who wrote these haikus?
Was it you Dark Sargerus,
or was it Brian?

MoDigence said...

Though I write more prose
than poetry, I succumb.
You are quite epic.

Irian said...

"Quite" does not describe,
Nor accurately portray,
Your state of win.


Forever yours,

Lurker.

Anonymous said...

This post was awesome
I bow in admiration
of your haiku skills

skinjob prime said...

Awesome to the bone.
Finaly some quality,
in the world wide web

The Rogue Grammarian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

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