Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Ask Sargeras! In which the possibility of more recipes is raised.

Only a handful of e-mails this time around, but you know what they say about e-mails: "The fewer you get, the more time you have for burnin' thatch-roof huts!" (Do people still say that these days?) Well, anyway...

Dear Sargeras,

Do you find it ever gets annoying to have so many fabulous titles to your name? What I mean is, if you're the courteous sort, if you were about to decimate a town and someone saw you, and began screaming "IT'S THE MASTER OF ALL THINGS EVIL, RULER OF THE BURNING LEGION, LORD OF THE TWISTING NETHER--" etc. etc., would you wait for them to finish blurting your many names, or just end them on the spot?

Also, cats or dogs?

- Raptorbane, Steamwheedle Cartel (US)

Naturally I would kill said screamer sans deliberation, but your question does raise a valid issue: the proliferation of titles. The perpetration of destruction on a galactic scale is problematic in that the number of titles one acquires is a second degree polynomial function of time; that is, title quantity increases at a superlinear rate. At present I hold over 8,337,000 titles, including old standbys like "Prince of Omnipotence" and "The Shadowy Shah," but also many lesser-known honorifics such as "Annihilator of Phylum Ferrochordata," "Destroyer of Some Asteroids in the Gamma Sector," and "That One Dude Who Like Totally Stomped On That Other Thing And Did You See It 'Cause It Was Like Wicked Tricky."

I have actually commissioned a list of titles I do not possess, in the hopes that it will be somewhat shorter. Chief among these are "King of Nuzzling," "King of Soft Gentle Nuzzling," and, of course, "King of Whitebread."

Regarding cats and dogs, I must perforce vote in favor of cats - because, as the Intarwebs would say, they "has a flavur," and I am here to tell you it is delicious.


Dear Sargeras --

Ever hear of Ziltoid the Omniscient? If not, you probably should see about him getting you a theme song made for your everyday lifestyle and such. Oh and why didn't you just kick Kil'jaeden's ass out of that portal into Azeroth and get the destruction over with? C'mon -- were you just making tea and he tried doing something sneaky?

Btw -- if you choose to kill me I'll read you my poetry as you do.

Cheers,
kimo of Burning Legion

I did run into Ziltoid once, very briefly, about seventy centuries ago. He wanted to try my coffee. I wanted him to go on a safari through the raging corona of Alpha Centauri B. I'll leave the resolution of that conflict to your more-than-qualified imagination.

As for Kil'jaeden, you've got to understand that watching your own lackeys fail is probably the biggest perk of having lackeys in the first place. And Killy, if you're reading this, you know I'm only kidding, buddy! Or, alternatively, bitterly serious and wrathful. ;-)


Dear Sargeras

Hey Sargie, I hope i find you well. How goes the planet-busting business?

Anyways i was wondering if you had any other recipes to share with us, your loyal fans...err...slaves.

Your BLSSUM is quite frankly the greatest food ever created, I have made it several times now and its always a hit!

Please share your culinary knowledge with us oh great one!

- Tom of Planet Earth (Please don't destroy us)

Hm, I think I can probably dig something else up. What say you, loyal readers? Would a second infernal recipe be welcomed by your kind?

Well, that's all for this mailbag. Have a question for Sargeras? Send it in! And remember, kids: if the Titans didn't want planets to burn, they shouldn't have made them out of magma. Ta ta for now!

LOBSMAARP: 33.333333333%

8 comments:

Timotheos said...

I guess we can't expect the most extreme and degrading responses to email submissions every single time. Still, not bad in terms of planetary destructive mindsetedness... ess.

Sargeras said...

Degrading?! Sir, I am surprised! Sargeras cares.

Beer Baron said...

As long as he is caring he is not destroying booze. Thats a good thing.

Anonymous said...

I'd love to have some additional recipes. BLSSUM has been a definite hit (and you have the pictures to prove it.)

- Tharavol, Korgath (US)

Tom said...

Thanks oh mighty one! Cant wait for a new recipe!!

Robert said...

Can't wait for more recipes King of Darkness!

Anonymous said...

when did you become Julia Child? somone is rolling over in their grave :)

Sargeras said...

The people have spoken. More recipes it is!

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