Friday, June 26, 2009

My first guild application!

First things first - WoW Radio's adaptation of my Scourge Chat Log #1 is airing today at 2:30 Eastern time. I believe it will be on the Blue Plz! show. Take a listen and see what you think. And thanks to TotalBiscuit for doing the adaptation and for voicing the Lich King!

Anyway - to business. I recently received an e-mail from the fine folks in the Pestilence guild on Trollbane, inviting me to apply to their guild. Now, I've been around an awfully long time, but I must say this is the first time I've received such an invitation, and I sure do like their name, and...well...I filled out the application.

Oh, don't look at me like that! I still like the Burning Legion. I'm not going to leave them. It's want to keep your options open!

Look, I don't have to explain myself to you.


Can you consistantly make our raid times of Tues/Wed/Thurs/Sun 7-1030pm EST???:
Yes, I can picture it now. "Sorry, only had time to smash western hemisphere, g2g raid w/guild." Not like I'm doing anything important!

Character Name:
I can only have a one-character name? That seems pretty restrictive...I'll go with the letter 'S,' I suppose, if it's not taken already.

Armory Link:
Link in the Zora Armor was probably my favorite, but there have been so many great Zelda games it's hard to say. (Is this like a WoW/Zelda guild or something? Because I mean honestly that would be wicked sweet.)

Email Address: - no viruses pl0x

Are you over 18 yrs old?:
That's what she said! Eh heh. But seriously, I was ancient when the denser gases separated from the primordial spinning mass of your daytime star and into concentric layers to form a rocky ball that would turn into your tiny lump of a planet two billion years later. So to answer your question, no, I no longer need a guardian to sign for me.

Rift Between The Euclidean Dimensions / TNST (Twisting Nether Standard Time)

Character Race:
Capital is preferable but I'll take lower case if need be.

Character Class:
ASCII. Why, is this a Unicode guild or something?

Character Spec (please include exact point allocation numbers):
Arial, Sans Serif, 12 point font. (Damn, you guys are picky.)

What do you enjoy most about your current class/spec?:
Um. I mean, you know, typing it and stuff? The letters look...nice, I guess.

Have you tried other specs for this class? Why did you choose this one?:
It's an easy font to read, nothing fancy, enjoys wide support across browsers. I, uh, think I tried Times New Roman once, it was a'ight. Is this seriously that big of a deal?

Are you OK with respeccing for the good of the guild if necessary on certain occassions?? --- Understand we always try to allow players to play their favorite spec, but there are certain occassions that we ask you to re-spec for the good of the raid.:
Geez, you guys don't let up, do you? I'll consider Courier if it comes to that, but listen, I gouge holes in the space-time continuum as a hobby. I'll be damned if I type in Comic Sans.

Professions + Skill Level:
Oh good we're past the font fetish now.
Professions: Smashing and Poetry. Also, Judging Poetry. Also, Angst.
Skill Level: OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND!!! (Do people still use that meme? Am I showing my age?)

Do you have max fishing/cooking/first aid?:
Let the record show that my cooking skills are more than adequate.

If you don't, why not??:
Me giving first aid? That'd be sort of like the Pope bitch-slapping somebody, don't you think?

Previous Guilds/Servers?:
The Burning Legion is my current guild, and they are all my servers.

Why did you leave those guilds?:
Nosy, aren't we? For your information, we're still friends, we're just deciding if we want to see other people.

Do you understand you are on a 2 week minimum Trial Period for evaluation?:
What are you going to do if I say no, draw me a diagram?

Do you understand that during your trial period, you will not receive loot over guild members? (However loot that is unwanted by a member can be awarded to initiates):
Sure. Do you understand that anyone who tries to take loot that I want will have their vertebrae rearranged into alphabetical order?

Original WoW Raiding Experience (Be specific, dont just say MC):
Ask Queen Azshara how "experienced" I am.

Burning Crusade Raiding Experience (Be specific, dont just say BT):
"So, Mr. Gates, ever hear of a product called...Windows?"

WoTLK Raiding Experience (be specific, dont just say Naxx):
Believe me, if I'd raided the Lich King, you would've heard it. Not heard about it. Heard it.

What's your favorite raid encounter and WHY??:
I really like the planets with a jelly cream filling. It makes me feel like it's all been worthwhile.

Give an example of one time where you wiped the raid, and what did you learn from that experience?:
I think it's fair to say that my early attempts at demolishing Asbestos World did not go entirely as planned. These days we always bring along a little antimatter, because you just never know.

Do you have an Epic Flying Mount?:

Do you understand you will be under harsh at times criticism? --- Class Leaders/Raid Leaders always keep watchful eyes on all players in the raid, and you will be told if you are under performing. Can you handle that?:
Of course. On a completely unrelated topic, where do you live?

What type of internet do you have and how reliable is it?:
What type of Internet? Is there, like, more than one? Are there getting to be, as some have claimed, too many Internets?

Do you have a working mic?:
Not as such, but I think you'll hear me.

What consumables do you use each raid?:
Thirty souls. Preferably righteous ones, but, you know, I'm not picky.

Do you log on and chat with fellow guildmates on vent and talk, or are you a raid-and-done type player? We encourage guild communication, strat discussions, and all-in-all camaraderie.:
People I like, I talk to. People I don't like, I hug.

Are you OK with sitting out on the occasional raid?:
Sure, but just remember, when I sit out on the raid, I sit out on the raid.

Why Pestilence?:
I'm not going to lie, I heard you only allowed one-character names and I was strangely intrigued.

What is your average 25 man per Second Stats - for Tanks (TPS), for Damage Dealers (DPS), for Healers (HPS):
I can give you a whole write-up on my TPS if you want. Do you require the new cover sheets on your TPS reports?

What would you consider the most challenging fight you've ever done?:
This one time? Okay. I arm-wrestled myself. Youshouldaseenit!

Are you OK with wiping for an entire night learning a new encounter?:
That's...what she said?

Do you pvp or are you interested in arena teams?:
I PvP all the time. I also Real Life, Dinosaur Comics, Scary Go Round, Penny Arcade, Hark! A Vagrant, Questionable Content, Nedroid, 8-Bit Theater, Sinfest, ALP, A Simple Apology, Dresden Codak, Abominable Charles Christopher, and Pictures For Sad Children. I used to Ctrl Alt Delete, too, but I'm better now.

(Update: How the hell did I forget xkcd?)

Any additional information you'd like to share?:
You want more information? Haven't my readers suffered enough already?

Well, what do you think? Do you think they're going to accept me? I think they're going to accept me.

Have a great weekend, everybody, and let me know what y'all think of the radio broadcast!


Anonymous said...

Woot first in a Sargeras comment!
Great post, I was laughing hard on that pic explaining trial period :D

Anonymous said...

who couldn't accept a perfectly worded and answered app.

MomentEye said...


Now I'm going to have to stop reading.

MomentEye said...

Okay, I'm back but I'm not happy.


Shanarah said...

That is one of the most asinine guild applications I've seen. I'd love to see their "official" response though. You did great though, any guild should be grateful to have you.

Anonymous said...

"People I like, I talk to. People I don't like, I hug."
Is that what they mean by "keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer"?

Sargeras said...

@ Anon 12:27 - A poorly drawn MS Paint picture is worth a hundred words.

@ Anon 12:32 - i kno rite??

@ MomentEye: Uh-oh. You're one of those Papyrus users, aren't you?

@ Tracy: See, that's what I've been saying all along! But nobody listens to Sargeras. :(

@ bfg: Sun Tzu himself was legendary for his Spikey Fire Hug. It was wicked!

Nyaz said...

Wait, you don't XKCD?

Now I'm disappointed. And you're supposed to be the Dark Lord and everything.

Unknown said... and

Do it

oh btw, HI! I'm back!

MomentEye said...


Elonia said...

Dear S,

You may call me E.

I actually happen to be an Officer in Pestilence and will be happy to talk to you about your application. Firstly we appreciate your interest in our fine guild!

To answer your questions first, yes, we only allow one character name. We figure its no coincidence that there are 25 raid spots and 26 English letters (allowing one person the night off each raid). Who are we to go against cosmic karma?

Your choice of Arial demonstrates superior awareness of readibility issues, and we want to commend you for that! Times New Roman just sucks imo.

We have a question about your professions. Have you had a chance to craft a Poem about Smashing? Because that would be truly epic.

Regarding type of internets, yes. We expect our raiders to use at least three internets, preferrably at the same time. That coupled with Aspect of the Pack makes the boss fights go SO much faster!

Sargeras, your application is well crafted and your grasp of proper grammer and punctuation flawless. We'd love to have you as a member. <3

And yes Tracy, the application may be overly detailed, but we like to get to know folks to make sure that not only are they a good match for us, but we are good match for them. Better to waste 15 minutes on a long application than 4 weeks on a guild that isnt a good fit. :)

Overall Saregaras, a wonderful application! I hope you dont mind if we link to it.

Thanks for the laugh!

Healing Class Officer
Pestilence, Trollbane

Warraven said...

Okay, remember how I once said, "Hey, maybe you could put up a plug for my guild someday!" Pretend I never said that. Please.

Otherwise, hilarious app. I once did something like that, except I actually answered the questions along with the raging sarcasm. They accepted the application. I left the guild in less than 24 hours.

Alas said...

I can't think of a better read to start my morning.

Tom said...

I think you would have a better chance Sargie if you learned a few more cooking recipes *wink* ;)

Sargeras said...

@ Nyaz: Can't believe I forgot about xkcd! Sheesh, I'm slipping.

@ Ben: Ditto. And welcome back. :-D

@ Elonia: I'm in?! Sweet! I'll have my people talk to your people. ;-) I do have a poem about smashing, in fact; click on the Sonnet tag and you'll find it. Anyway, sure, link away!!

@ Warraven: Any interest in joining a certain Legion, perhaps of the Burning variety?

Neverblade said...

Amazing application. Much thx. I'd like to to explain your font use to my employer, however, they require my character to 11 pt courier new and it really messes with me at raid time.

Anonymous said...

Lol that was so amazing

Orophur said...

Hey Mr. Dark Titan, sir, boss, chief, I would like to say thank you for breathing the name of the guild that i belong to and would like to ask you if you have tried Arial Narrow? I mean it is Arial but it's narrow.

Warraven said...

Sargeras sir, I don't think I can be comfortable joining an organization that "raids" the Lich King. Consensual or not, I don't want to go on my employment history.

Ryókösán said...

So the use of Comic Sans is prohibited huh? Ever try Cracked? Anyway, great app to our guild. I'm thinkig that you could get away with the overly used Helvetica font, serif of course :)

Nyaz said...

Huh, I noticed TotalBiscuit pronounced Your name "Sargaaras". I think he hasn't read Your pronunciation post properly.

Member of Kirin Tor council said...

Eh, I've been traveling and didn't get to read your blog for some time, but now that I've caught up I can see some things never change... You'd still sit *on* raid and stuff like that. But anyway, I believe they'll accept you. I mean, Arial, Sans Serif is widely accepted, so as long as you go with the flow there's no reason for them to reject you, is there?

Sargeras said...

@ Neverblade: Fascists!

@ Orophur: Are you accusing me of being...narrow-minded?! (Thank you, thank you, I'm here all week.)

@ Warraven: Are most of your boss raids...consensual?

@ Ryokosan: I'm actually not even a typography snob, I just think it's a fun thing to complain about!

@ Nyaz: He's British, what can you do? ;-)

@ MoKTc: Based on Elonia's comment above, I think I'm in!

Warraven said...

Uh... I plead the 5th.

Soeroah said...

I knew you'd get in! For one thing, you were using punctuation and proper spelling. I can't imagine how many guild applications are filled with "i haz good deeps and i hav killed evry boss in NAXX".

Member of Kirin Tor council said...

@ Soeroah: Yeah, your comment reminded me of "NOTHING CAN DEFET ME BECUASE I AM DEFEAT EVERONE!!!!!!!!!!", I wonder if he'd be accepted tha easily if his application was filled in same manner xD

Diljabar said...

I personally did not like the recording. It didn't feel as much fun as reading it. You don't get dramatic pauses in speech like you get in text, and a lot of the jokes were killed by the vocal format. I'm frankly disappointed in Blue Plz!

Sargeras said...

@ David: Well, a chat log is a uniquely visual thing, and adaptation to an audio format is inherently difficult. Given the challenge they had, I think they did a good job with it.

Diljabar said...

They should still be annihilated.

Marzenia said...

Do you have an Epic Flying Mount?:

WHAAAAAAT?!!? She wont be pleased when I tell her about it....
I thought there was some kind of connection there Sargeras... And as a woman I must stay on here side... You could say Onyxia... I would get that as I know she likes to fly around...
I know You are invincible and so on but after this those friday "coffee meetings" might hurt You a little more than usuall.

Otaku said...

Scourge Chat Log #1 on radio wus nice, they need to do the other ones too.

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