Monday, July 27, 2009

The Rules

1. I am always right. If I contradict myself, both of the things I say are right. If I create a paradox, I do not create a paradox.

2. Never disagree with me. If you disagree with me, you are wrong. This is a corollary of Rule #1.

3. Never insult me. The punishment for insulting me is to be tied up and forced to listen to the entire archive of Perez Hilton's blog on audio CD as read by Paris Hilton. If I'm feeling merciful I will just kill you.

4. Don't be stupid.

5. The closer your e-mail conforms to the grammatical rules of the English language, the greater your chance of receiving a meaningful response, provided you observe Rule #4. According to my poll, none of you are under 10 years old, so this should be an achievable goal. E-mails from non-native English speakers are allowed greater leniency, but don't abuse the privilege.

6. Do not mention Twitter in my presence.

7. I am an avatar of elemental evil. I do not want to kiss you, poke you, support your Mafia faction, buy you a round, see the results of your quiz, join your group to end cruelty to Malaysian salamanders, or find out which of the cast of The Brady Bunch you think I am most like.

8. Being ironic is not the same thing as being smart.

9. "Sargie" is an abbreviation for "I want to die."

10. No, I will not destroy your calculus teacher, your boss, your homework assignment, your guildmates, or your ex significant other. Asking me to do this is code for "I want to die."

11. I don't care what you or your guild did in World of Warcraft. Really.


13. Groveling is not necessary. While I appreciate the sentiment, your inferiority is self-evident. Stating it explicitly is redundant. Sucking up is unnecessary for much the same reason.

14. There is no Rule #14.

15. Nitpicking is not the same thing as being smart.

16. Making lists of rules for your blog is not the same thing as being smart.

17. Being Sargeras is the same thing as being smart. And also handsome, powerful, evil, awesome, and sexy.

18. Asking questions that can be answered by Google in less time than it takes to type the question is punishable by xenocide.

19. Puns are funny. Yes, really. See Rule #1.

20. Everyone gets annihilated. No exceptions.

21. See Rule #1.


Anthony Clarke said...

Hmm. As the one who mentioned that which shall not be named before the rules where stated, am I granted leniency?

MomentEye said...

Hang on... I've seen these rules before.

Apart from #7 you could be Pope.


Unknown said...

What do you mean apart from #7?

Nyaz said...

Sargie! Sargie! Will you please destroy my homework and/or calculus teacher?
Also, my WoW guild did... er... I don't know actually, haven't played WoW for like 5 months now. Anyway, moving on.
Also, you're wrong! Your poll states that nobody is 9 years old or younger. A-ha! (Interestingly, it also states that four people are 71 or older...) Uhh, let's see. What else. TWITTER IZ A MAMMAL AND IS DINOSAUR OMGWTFBBQ (that was a breaking of rule number 4, 5 and 6 at the same time. Boo-yah!)

Oh Really-Big-Lord-Of-Stuff-That-Is-Burning-In-A-Funny-Way, will you please support my Mafia gang?

Right, that's all I can bear for today. I'll finish up the rest tomorrow. *Yawn*

Sargeras said...

@ AC: See Rule #20!

@ MomentEye & Johca: Yes, Pope Benedict is always talking about how he is "too sexy for [his] subcinctorium." It's so awkward! (?)

@ That's a pretty good start. Of course, even though I know you're just being a pain, I'm nevertheless compelled to say that I was not wrong about the poll. If nobody is 9 or younger, that's the same thing as saying nobody is under 10.

Nyaz said...

@Sargeras: ...They could be 9 and a half...

Anonymous said...

22. Being smart does not necessarily mean that you are enjoying life any more than anyone else.

MomentEye said...

@johcha - the Pope will totally support your mafia faction.

dunnkl said...

Aren't you contradicting yourself on number 16, or are these just rules for yourself and others to follow regarding you?

Svenn said...

OK, if I didn't know what a subcinctorium is, I'm figuring the other 350 people in the 19-35 age brackets don't either.
So to save you all some time:

Anonymous said...

love #7

Eonar said...

@ Nyaz - See Rule 4
Also, Only people less than two get to count months as part of their age. As we are then only dealing with integers (and in fact whole numbers), age<10 is an equivalent statement to age <= 9.

@ Sarge
Because I love bursting your bubble, it would seem that one person is under 10.... =D

Nyaz said...

@Eonar: Ooooh, I think I broke rule #4 a loooong time ago :P
...Actually, not intentionally like I was going for here.

Sargeras said...

@ dunnk: I think someone needs to re-read Rule #21. ;-)

@ Svenn: Nice work!

@ Eonar: Seems like *two* someones wanted to burst my bubble.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

What if I call you "Eigras", which is code for "I want to live". Will that buy me a little time?

rettiwt, rettiwt - even more time??

And why is the word "smart" overused in this post? in #8, #15, #16, #17...just a bit too much!

If rule 21 is to see rule 1, this is a self-perpetuating need for any more posts!...just saying....

Anonymous said...

Does Sargie-pants count as Sargie?


Or Sargy? Or Eigras? Or Mr. Sargie-whom-I-may-or-may-not-respect? Or Super-Duper-Cuddly-Cute-Sargie-pants?

Or should I be terrified right now?

.... Hmmmmmmmmm.

Anonymous said...

hey DoDims
You're gay

Anonymous said...

Hey Anonymous August 24, 2010 9:24 AM You are a bitch.

Anonymous said...

you are a cock face

Anonymous said...

im darren do
im a dentist of low quality

Anonymous said...

someone actualy picking a fight
i think *two* someone need some burning

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