Haikugeddon

There has been some talk lately that, for a guy who claims to like haiku, I haven't actually posted any yet. I will respond to those claims like I respond to all criticism: with ridiculous excess.

Here we go: 25 haikus that capture the essence of the titan condition!

1.
Evil is like a
soft and gentle summer gust
of nitric acid.

2.
Sure, I've got regrets.
Everybody's got regrets.
But mine are cooler.

3.
They said Eonar
was too hot for me. Yeah, sure.
Who's hot now, bitches?!

4.
What? A planet here?
No, this is just chunks of rock.
Your map must be wrong.

5.
Legion rebellions
are short-lived. Rebel leaders,
sans head, are just short.

6.
Even titan girls
don't like to be called massive,
Eonar opines.

7.
There's a server named
"Sargeras." That's like naming
your daughter "Smallpox."

8.
RE: frEe C1alis
If it were any bigger,
stars would orbit it.

9.
The Burning Legion
has ten thousand demon-lords
and three bathroom stalls.

10.
RING! Hey, Voldemort,
Joel Schumacher's on the phone.
He wants his fail back.

11.
I heat my coffee
by putting it in the sun.
What a bright idea!

12.
Okay, so, what's black
and white and red all over?
Oreos I've licked.

13.
The ecosystem
is like a big house of cards:
you just can't resist.

14.
"Death is part of life."
Fine. So I'm just spreading life.
Quit your bitching, then.

15.
Better to light a
candle and/or continent
than curse the darkness.

16.
Some people are like,
"How can you be so awful?"
Look. It's not easy.

17.
The Twisting Nether:
perfect as a hiding place,
not so good for golf.

18.
To understand me,
walk a mile in my shoes. And
I do mean in them.

19.
I have a pebble
stuck in my left boot. Also,
where'd Gibraltar go?

20.
Smith said to Neo,
"The purpose of life's to end."
Neo was like, "what"

21.
If I had a dime
for each planet I've destroyed,
I'd have lots of dimes.

22.
I am not a crook!
Vaporizing planets is
a misdemeanor.

23.
I AM DARK TITAN!!
I AM DESRTOY EVERTHING!!1!
!!one!!!one!!one!oneone

24.
I hear people say,
"Less QQ and more pew pew."
Are church seats that great?

25.
Having fiery hair:
efficient barbecuing,
awkward second dates.

26.
A wise man once said,
"Peace is the best victory."
He was delicious.

OH! That's right, I said I would post 25 haikus and I posted 26! Because that's just how I roll.

For bonus points, post your comments as haikus too.

LOBSMAARP: 22%