Sargeras vs. Airplane

Flying is pretty much the worst. Here is my process:

1. I call the airline the day before to warn them, so that people will not freak out when I arrive.

2. I spend two hours trying to fit everything I will need into a bag the size of my eyelash-tip. I finally give up and just pay the eight billion dollars to have it FedExed.

3. I arrive. People freak out.

4. The airlines all have names like that involve things I like to burn, like Continental and AirWorld. I am pretty sure they do this just to make me angry.

5. Like, 92% sure.

6. I cannot hold my boarding pass because my hands are on fire. I have to have a demon carry it for me. His seat costs extra.

7. I go through the metal detector forty-four times. I repeatedly explain that I am made out of metal and cannot possibly avoid being "detected."

8. My helper demon spends twenty minutes flipping through issues of People at the airport book store. I can't smite him because he's holding my boarding pass.

9. I wait. People stare at me and look away when I look at them. The teenage girl next to me has her headphones on. She is listening to Pink.

10. The plane is smaller than I am.

11. I board the plane. The man next to me says his name is Gilbert. I do not know if it is his first or last name but he smells of raccoon.

12. The in-flight movie is that Wolverine origin one. I keep a running tally of things that are ridiculous. When they graft adamantium to his skeleton by injecting it as a liquid, I count that as two things.

13. The stewardess asks if I would like some pretzels. I say no but they bring them anyway. I am unable to open the bag. I give the pretzels to my helper demon.

14. We land. I smite my helper demon.

15. It is so bad.

LOBSMAARP: 8% (hey, I'm doing good this week!)