Monday, June 15, 2009

Sargeras's Busy Day

Gosh, aren't bunny rabbits delightful?

I think I will never grow tired of feeling just how soft and fuzzy they are. Their warm fur and cute bunny rabbit noses make me giggle with happiness whenever I pet them. And I'm pleased to say today was another very productive day for the Bunny-Petting Legion, as we traveled to two planets and petted over eighty thousand bunny rabbits between us.

I awoke bright and early to the sound of bluebirds twittering in the trees, which reminded me right away that I needed to post to my own Twitter feed. If only there were some way to Twitter while I sleep, so I wouldn't have to go eight hours without a tweet! Here's what I tweeted:

"I wish there were even more bunny rabbits in the galaxy so I could pet them, too!"

After my 7:00 tea, I had Kil'jaeden give me a manicure; it wouldn't do to have those nails get dirty or (heaven forfend) turn into claws. I perused the latest Precious Moments catalogue and had one of my demon friends make yet another donation in my name to the Charity for the Utopia Terra Establishment (CUTE), a fund dedicated to making every planet a paradise.

But of course, it's not enough to sit by and donate. I have to get out there and help make it happen with my own lavender-scented hands!

So at 9:00 sharp, I tweeted our first destination to all my helper demons, and we descended en masse to the Rocky Moon of Magmagon VI. Not a very happy place, let me tell you - their TV selection was so limited, I had to miss watching The View! But that's okay - we made everything better in a hurry. We planted petunias, lit scented candles, and cleaned up all that nasty lava. A few spritzes of Febreze took care of the smoky odor, and then it was picnic time!

In between petting the bunnies, we set up a very agreeable buffet of all-vegan cuisine, featuring a splendid pièce de résistance - a block of tofu sculpted into the shape of the Arc de Triomphe! By this time the smoke had quite cleared, allowing beautiful TV reception, so we put on the Lawrence Welk Show for the remainder of the dinner.

Then it was off to Azeroth, which is my very favorite place to visit because all the races live in such perfect harmony. We visited my good pal, Arthas the Lunch King, though of course it was too late for lunch - so we had dinner instead! As we dipped our strawberries in the chocolate fountain and petted even more bunny rabbits, I looked out from the peak of Nicecrown Citadel over the wide fields of Northglen, and suddenly I was struck by an incredible thought:

Bunnies really are soft, aren't they?

All too soon we left that homey abode, promising Arthas we would return to see him again next week. Of course, he wouldn't let us leave without taking a few gallons of his prized milk and honey - the latter made from his colonies of stingless honeybees. What a guy!

My bubble bath was waiting for me back home, and a good thing too - after such a busy day, I was beginning to perspire! Fortunately I was ship-shape in no time, with the help of my bath candles and oils - and of course no bath is complete without the tranquil accompaniment of Enya. By the time I was done, my fingers and toes were all pruney! That always makes me laugh.

Then it was bedtime, so I picked out my silk pajamas with the little doves on them and slipped into my waterbed, where I was sure to dream about the soft mews of baby kittens, and the gentle murmur of the sea. I could hardly wait to wake up again the next morning for another day of adventure!

Oh, by the way, today is the last day of the Sonnet Contest, so make sure you e-mail me your entry by midnight Eastern Standard Time tonight! I mean, if you're into that kind of thing. Me personally, I think poetry is so pedestrian, don't you?

LOBSMAARP: 0% (who could sue someone as wonderful as me?)


Jae said...

Oh dear.

Someone hacked Sargeras' blog.

(but bunnies are really sort of awesome.)

Dazer said...

If you petted them, wouldn't they be on fire?

Zhanael said...

...all right, who spiked the Dark Titan's coffee?

Anonymous said...

I think Sargie got into the painkillers his web guy got, since he just had oral surgery and all. >.> <.<

Anonymous said...

This contradicts the advice he gave us in his last guest post, and i quote:
"You can’t write my character convincingly if you’ve just petted a freshly-hatched duckling, cooing gently into its ear all the while, speaking soft words of comfort and gumdrops and the sound of the way babies sigh when they are utterly content. NO! You must do something evil to get into the right spirit!"
Clearly he's gotten lonely thinking of Azeroth, I bet he still misses the hills.

Lx said...

I'm so confused right now :O

Anonymous said...

i like to think that every once in a wile its a good thing to sit back and enjoy life not care what anyone thinks of what you are doing and just have fun. even still that was the oddest thing ive read in a wile and i read xkcd often

Anonymous said... was that Klondike bar?

Sargeras said...


Anonymous said...

I think this was all preparation for Sargeras's invasion on the Hello Kitty universe.

Anonymous said...


K said...

Not all bunnies are cute and innocent. Some (like the one I own) are cute and evil.

Seriously. He's the devil in bunny form. He sounds like George Carlin and Dennis Leary rolled into one being. You should hear him curse when we finally corner him to put him up for the evening. He throws little temper tantrums and throws things around his cage.

He's single handedly destroyed three keyboards, four PC headsets, one X-Box headset, the audio-cables to the PS3, the dust-buster power cord, the sensor cable to the Wii, a 100 foot ethernet cable, it's lesser brother the 25 foot ethernet cable and has made headway into the power cord for the flatscreen TV, the living room lamp, the back of the couch and has destroyed not one, but two pillows by chewing large holes into them where the fluff then falls out.

Not to mention chewed the buttons off of the TV remote and most of the left thumb toggle from an XBox controller.

... Actually, Sargeras, I think he would make an excellent addition to your army. Want him?

He's 3 pounds of mini-Dutch-Bunny-mix-pure-evil named Hazel.

(Bonus if anyone knows where his name came from! I'm sure Sargeras knows though.)

Tom said...

Opposite day.....?

j.m. said...

Ok, who kidnapped Sargearas and replaced him with me?

Hugs and Kisses, all!

Enjai said...

K - Watership Down would be my guess.

Sarge - I know I had a few too many drinks last night ... but I'm pretty sure I'm sober now ... but after reading this, I'm going to double check.

K said...

@Enjai: Yup. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that someone out here has read it. I mention the name of the book to people I know 'in real life' and they give me the 'are you crazy?' look.

Anonymous said...

Clearly the Dark Titan is trying to lull us into a false sense of security prior to annihilating our world.

We must be next.

Soeroah said...

See, humanity? This is what happens when you burn the rainforests. Godlike beings get high on the fumes.

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