Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Ask Sargeras! In which turtles prove fundamental.

Hello, little friends! If you direct your attention to the right side of your screen, you'll notice I have a poll for you. Please partake.

Well, let's get on with it, shall we?

Dear mighty titan,

This is a question regarding your job (hobby) ; destroying planets and lifeforms.
Is there any kind of a galactic ethic council you have to deal with after your job´s done?
If so: How do you treat them? (eating, throw into the next Sun, playing pool with them - Yeah right upper black hole, or just listen to them)

Did you ever thought about doing something else then destroying Planets (I mean they arent not countless arent they?)
What do you wanna do if you have destroyed the last planet?
You could write a book but - no ones left to read it...

Nicorobbin - Nathrezim/Eu


Eh, I'll let it slide.

I've already discussed endgame in a previous post, so I won't bring that up again. As to a galactic ethics council, that's pretty much all the titans do. It's, like, depressing. I think most of 'em wish they could just fly around blowing shit up the way I do, but they know they could never be as boss as me.

But anyway, yeah, I get these sad little "cease-and-desist" letters from them about once a month on beige strawberry-scented stationery with art deco letterheads. I stick them in a pile with my cease-and-desist letters from Blizzard, and jump into them occasionally when I feel like watching something burn.

I mean, something besides the usual.

Master of the eternal flame, Destroyer of all hope and life,

why are u still allied with that idiot called Arthas.
I mean he is sooo cold while u are flaming hot.
That cant work right can it?
And if u have to choose between 500.000.000 minions or kelthuzad wh would you choose?

one of ur unworthy minions.

hellkith (Azjol-Nerub EU)

In order:
1. I'm not.
2. It doesn't.
3. I've already chosen.

(Hums: "Don't know much about history...")

Hey Mr S Lord of keeping the coffee mug hot!
This is Mattdiox of the Wildhammer (EU) server.

I just want to know if you ever took Kiley Kilburn's advice and wrote a book? I mean it seems like a nice thing to do since you live forever and all.
If so, what is the book about? Do you keep it under your bed in a little pink box? Or do you keep it locked in a trunk under your basement? (There are so many methods for a titan to hide his novel in progress)
If you haven't written a book, what would you write one about? Would it be an autobiography? A classic tale of love and war? A thrilling epic of battle? A demonic tale of depression and whoa? Or even .... a hello kitty fan book?

P.S Although they no longer send you invitations to titan reunions ... when you did get invited, did you go all out and rent a nice suit? Or were you the one titan that always shows up in slacks and a t-shirt? I mean there is nothing wrong with that, but it's really hard for titan reunion photographers (Such as myself ((I work part time when I am not giving out the message of the paladin's holy order)) give me a call sometime I'm sure we can do a photo shoot for titan weekly) who work tirelessly to select the best photos and always have to choose between the most smartly dressed titan who isn't too fantastic or the super powerful titan who just had to get there straight from the gym.

Yours paladinly (My own personal term) Mattdiox

Why, yes! I've written many books, in fact. Let me see if I can dig up a bibliography here...
  • I Am So Awesome
  • Why I Am So Awesome: An Essay Collection
  • Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright, Literally: Awesome Things I Have Done
  • The Windswept Airless Plain: A Book of Poetry
  • You're Fired! A Retrospective
  • Leap-Splash, A Titan: The Ultimate Evil Haiku Collection
  • I Am Still Awesome
  • The Sweet-Scented Lily: A Novel
  • Don't Judge Me By My Previous Book: An Autobiography
  • SARGERAS: LEGEND (Volumes 1-18)
  • Is It Cancer? Probably Not: A Complete Guide To Health Care For Immortals
My web dude has written two books of his own, both of which were way too crappy to get published. He's working on revisions to a draft of his third book, some kind of science fiction novel he says, but it still looks pretty crappy to me.

As to the titan reunions, have no doubt that I was the very picture of debonair class. Asbestos tuxedo, all the way.

Sargeras, High Lord of the Burning Legion, Dark Titan of Cooking, and Lord of the Dance,

What kind of place have you got in the twisting nether?

Is it like, a giant palace (of skulls... or is that Kil'jaeden?) or do you just float around in nothingness?

Second Lord of the Dance,


Imagine if Megatron transformed into the Taj Mahal, then hired Morgoth as his interior decorator, and then someone doused it with napalm and set it on fire. Now imagine it's the size of Eurasia.

What is it sitting on? Why, the back of a turtle, of course. And before you ask, it's turtles all the way down.

If you have a question for Sargeras, be sure to drop me an e-mail!


Anthony Clarke said...

Wow. Now THAT was mind blowing. I especially loved the turtles all the way down reference (you'll have to excuse me, I lost the philosiphy book I learned that from, so the exact name escapes me).

Woohoo! Another question answered!


Anonymous said...

A poll? About my age? What next? Gender and location? Sargeras you are one sly titan.

Also, yes, turtles are quite the reliable companion. Though I wonder what he does? Glide slowly around in the vast space without worrying that you won't destroy him until everything else is incinerated first?

Sargeras said...

@ AC: The "turtles" quote appears in A Brief History of Time, among other places. The wiki article I linked to talks about it a bit more.

@ bfg: Who says I don't destroy a turtle on occasion? We just drop down to the next one below it. ;-)

Shina'fae said...

And to what honour might we owe the poll ? I doubt that our ages matter much if you are going to destroy us all anyway in the near future.

Mattdiox said...

Isn't the turtle thing inspired by terry pratchett?

P.S Thanks for answering my question.

Otome said...

The turtle reference was great. Proof that just because you destroy everything, doesn't mean your not well-educated.

Also, your not just boss, but final boss.

Sorcer said...

Turtles ROCK!
I like the reference to Terry ;)
Just another question popped into my head.
On Discworld, Death is an anthropomorph being. Can you destroy those, too?
Then you would kill Death. Anyone else seeing the paradox here?

Nyaz said...

@Sorcer: Interesting! I too would like to know if Sargeras can smash an antropomoriphic being.

And what would Susan count as...?

Anthony Clarke said...


Really? Thats on my list of things to read, I haven't gotten to it yet, however.

I believe I heard turtles all the way down in "Plato and a platypus walk into a bar" Which teaches philosophy, through jokes. One of my favorite reads of all time, in fact. I highly recommend getting a copy.

Sargeras said...

@ Shina'fae: "Morbid" curiosity?

@ L4M: Terry Pratchett did use the line, but I believe he, too, got it from an earlier source.

@ Sorcer & Nyaz: Sure I can kill Death. And if that creates a paradox, I'll destroy the paradox too. ;-) Btw, who is Susan?

@ AC: It's a good read. I'll have to look into your suggestion too.

Anonymous said...

Dark Titan,

I believe Susan is Death's adopted daughter's daughter in the Discworld series. If my memory does not fail me, she appears in _Thief of Time_ as well as a couple of other books - can't remember those other books right now sadly.

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