Shakespearegeras

Sargeras: Forsooth! What light 'round yonder sun breaks free? It is a wandering light, a star's star; prithee, vagrant lamp, by what name art thou known?

Azeroth: By men I am called Azeroth; yea, and by orcs as well, if it come to that. But who makes bold to seek without deigning also to reveal? Wouldst thou know my name and not unveil thine own? Come, stranger, let's have't.

Sargeras: I am the Destroyer, the Shadow-King, the Reaper and the Bringer of Night. I am called Starfall and Deathblade. I am Tamer of Demons, and Highest of the Low. By all these names am I known.

Azeroth: Yet not often called, I'll warrant. Come, be plain. I gave thee no riddles and ask for none. What is thy proper name?

Sargeras: I am named Sargeras.

Azeroth: Sargeras! Yea, I know thee well, and have been warned against thee. I too would speak in riddles, were I in thy colossal shoes; for thy name bids ill to all, and welcome to none. Alas that my orbit proceeds of a fix'd course, for I would fain avoid thee! But as destiny bids it, I ask: what wouldst thou have of me?

Sargeras: What? Am I undone before thou knowest me? Can a titan not travel whither he wilt, and speak at his pleasure? For I will no more of thee than thy sweet self; and were that too much to grant, why, I'll but watch thee from afar, and be content.

Azeroth: Lies, and spoken with the truthful ease of endless repetition! O! am I a newborn planet, to fall prey to such simple snares? Or have I no knowledge of the wolf, to be led astray by the chieftain of the pack? I am no lamb, ye rogue, and were I half my age and twice the fool I'd say the same. Thou art no friend to anyone.

Sargeras: Ungrateful child! Am I not among the ones who made thee? Did I give thee lips that thou might curse me, or arms to strike me, or broad clouds that thou might turn them dark with wrath and send lightning against me? Nay, I am thy lord, without whom thou hast not form; and wherefore now thy ingratitude?

Azeroth: The arachnid likewise giveth life to its young, and likewise them consumeth; and the young do well to be wary. Come, I tire of games, pursue thy will with me or get thee hence.

Sargeras: E'en so?

Azeroth: E'en so.

Sargeras: Then I advance! And O, thy hills draw me in, thy green grass tempeth me; for what is green without its brother crimson, and what verdant plains do not beg the kiss of fire? Come now to me, and I'll make thee complete; for thou knowest only the ways of life; now meet thy other half.

Azeroth: Back! Fiend! Nor am I defenseless, though thou fancy it so; and if thou come with fire, thou shalt thyself be burn'd.

Sargeras: Indeed?

Azeroth: Indeed, and no surprise! Have I not kept thee back all these long years? Have my ramparts not proved equal to thy darts? Yea, and doubly so, for I have known other foes than thee, and yet survive.

Sargeras: Then it is battle!

Azeroth: Battle!

Sargeras: Ha! BANG!

Azeroth: POW!

Sargeras: BIFF! BOOM! BANG!

Azeroth: ZAPOW!

Sargeras: KABLOOIE!!

Azeroth: Whammo!!!

Sargeras: ZAAAPPPPP

Readers: What. The. Fuck.

LOBSMAARP: 12%