Sonnet contest!

Have you found yourself thinking, "Gee! I sure would love to have a Spider Pride T-shirt or one of the other fine items on the Coffee With Sargeras store, but I can't afford any of it because it's all so absurdly overpriced?"

Have you further opined, "I wish I could procure such merchandise for myself, for free, via some sort of ridiculous contest that submits my hard work to the arbitrary whims of someone I've never met?"

Well, hypothetical reader, your improbable wishes have finally come true! I hereby announce the first ever (and possibly last ever) Coffee With Sargeras Sonnet Contest!

So what exactly can I win?

First place - you get your choice of any single item from the store, FREE.
Second place - you get your choice of any single item from the store, other than a shirt, FREE.
Third place - you get your choice of a button or a magnet from the store, FREE.

I will of course cover the shipping charge as well. Free actually does mean free.

I guess I have to write, like, a sonnet or something?

Yes. To enter the contest, you must write a sonnet about me (Sargeras) and e-mail it to me.

All right, what are the rules?

OFFICIAL CONTEST RULES

1. You must write your own sonnet (no plagiarism).
2. The sonnet must be in English. I'm not going to disqualify you if you include a phrase from Latin or something, but don't expect to win if you write 14 lines of masterful poetry in Tagalog.
3. The sonnet must be about me (Sargeras).
4. Limit one sonnet per person. Any new sonnets you send me after the first one will be ignored.
5. Once you've submitted your sonnet, no revisions are allowed.
6. The sonnet must be submitted via e-mail. Submissions via Facebook message, blog comment, or anything else other than e-mail will be ignored.
7. All entries must be submitted on or before June 15, 2009.
8. Include the phrase "Sonnet contest entry" or something similar in the subject line.

Do I have to be a regular blog reader to enter?

Of course not. How would I know if you weren't, anyway?

I'm not from the United States. Can I still enter?

Yes. As long as you live somewhere that Zazzle ships to (which is almost everywhere in the world), you can enter. If you live somewhere Zazzle doesn't ship to, then you can still enter, but, uh, you won't get a prize.

(Please note, the list I linked to above is very stupidly arranged, in that it is mostly but not totally in alphabetical order. If you don't see your country right away, do a search on the page.)

Does the sonnet have to be funny? Do I have to write about how awesome you are?

No and no. There are no restrictions on content or style beyond the simple rule that it must be a sonnet about Sargeras, the Dark Titan. Be creative.

How picky are you going to be about the definition of "sonnet?"

I'm not going to disqualify you for having an extra syllable somewhere, or for not using a proper volta. Experimentation with the traditional idea of a sonnet is permitted within reason, but the further you stray from the usual definition of sonnet, the less likely it is I'm going to allow it. Basically, don't write a limerick, is what I'm asking for here.

How are you going to judge the entries?

I'm just going to pick the ones I like best. I don't have a particular set of criteria I plan on using.

Isn't that inherently arbitrary and biased?

Yes.

Any advice on writing a winning sonnet?

Be different. The first idea you have is likely the first idea everyone else will have, too, so think outside the box. That said, don't come up with something so bizarre that it's just stupid.

I'm also a sucker for technical excellence. Meaning, if you get your rhyme and meter dead solid perfect, I'm somewhat more inclined to overlook other flaws.

Are you going to post the winning sonnets on the blog?

Yes. If you're not comfortable with your sonnet being displayed on the blog, you probably shouldn't enter.

I have another question that you didn't answer!

Well, just ask!

That June 15 deadline will come sooner than you think, so get started now. Best of luck! >>}8^O