J4!

Happy Fourth of July to all you United Statesers out there! To everyone else, well, you can be happy too I suppose. You'll all die soon enough, why not get in a chuckle here and there.

What was I saying? Oh yes. Independence Day.

Nobody knows exactly where this holiday originated, of course. Something about freedom, or democracy? Well, whatever; history is murky. The important thing is that we celebrate it by blowing stuff up in the sky, and that's where I come in.

You see, when I explode planets full of organic life, it's not just an exercise in nihilism. No! It's a celebration of liberty! I detonate civilized worlds for the sake of a better tomorrow. Don't think about it, it'll make more sense that way.

Remember, it's like Thomas Jefferson said: "Shit, son, we 'bout to get some sky hurt up in this bitch!"

Was that Jefferson? Maybe that was Franklin. I can never keep them straight.

Anyway. Light some sparklers, set off some firecrackers, and think of me.

Because nothing says red, white and blue like red, red and red.

Have a good weekend!